The Loneliness of the Long Distance Wall Post

A while back, I was on FML (or possibly it was TFLN... or some other affiliated website about how fucked up your life is bullshit) and I saw one post where a guy was informed that his girl friend was pregnant via a facebook wall post. After the initial horror I felt at this news bombshell being handed down so whimsically via a wall post, I stepped back to think about not only the negative aspects of this type of information being handled via a social networking site, but also the positive ones as well. Now, before I go any further, I am not going to address the inherent argument about the isolating/embracing of communication between human beings via the web, nor am I (hopefully) going to touch upon any type of discussion about the intelligence of the woman in question relaying this information to some poor sap on Facebook, and the trauma that he might have sustained. Also, I do not plan to broach the subject of him being so devastated by this information that he had to get it off his chest via the world wide web with some twitter like website that limits the amounts of characters that can be used in each post. Instead, this blog will focus on the positive/negative aspects of getting personal info, much like this, via the Internet.

Positive: No longer do we have to make those awkward phone calls to our loved/hated/inconsequential ones that clutter our life. Instead, of calling to say that Aunt Suzy died, why not make it a facebook status, so you can receive false sympathy from "friends" and a shit ton of "likes" underneath your statement.

Also, in the same vein, you could just as easily post your sympathies on a person's wall, leaving "sincere" well-wishes like "if you need to talk, call me" when you know they don't have you phone number, and even if they do happen to have it, you can screen your calls, so you make sure that you don't have to talk to them. I know some might find this is cold hearted, but really, have you ever had to deal with someone crying inconsolably on your phone? If you have, you know this is a positive, not a negative, statement.

Even better, in this day and age, where we've all heard that "we didn't know we were in a relationship, until we saw it on facebook," why not break up with a person by denying/removing their relationship status to you, then writing something extremely nasty upon their wall (like for example, calling into question a person's ability to perform in the boudoir) and finally deleting your friendship (and possibly editing your profile, so you're invisible to them). Isn't this the easier way to break up with someone? No longer do you need to have that final awkward conversation, where things might be said that can no longer be taken back.

Another positive aspect is that the things that used to be private are now open for the world to see. And while the people involved might not like the fact that I now know personal details of their lives, I, on the other hand, am able to gossip about them, and creep around their profile page at my own leisure, without having to call someone to get the scoop. As you can see, for me at least, it's the not having to call aspect that I enjoy most about this growing technological age... because I don't usually like talking to people on the phone; I would much rather get a text or meet a person somewhere. However, now I don't even have to do that, I am able to find out both good and bad news, as well as gossip and judge from the comfort of my living room in nothing but a t-shirt and my boxers while watching A Golden Girls marathon on TV.

Of course there is a negative side to all of this. Yet, while I walked away just a moment ago to organize my thoughts, I just can't seem to come up with any... okay here's one. Sadly, Facebook might tip your hand to your significant other, making for difficult conversations... for example, you've already confirmed a new relationship without first breaking up with your previous partner. So better management of personal details becomes a must have for this new day and age.

Lastly, having to figure out how to take all personal possessions from a partner's home might become difficult as you don't want to raise suspicions before you drop the proverbial shoe... also on that same note, if anyone knows how to conceal a microwave under a pair of jeans, please let me know.