Life in the Time of Confinement

I received a ton of paper yesterday that I'm slowly working through.  I try to grade 10 a day during a semester, and so, that's how I'm continuing to roll. My staggering of essays got messed up because of the extended spring break, so I'll finish them off slowly.

Ryan want's to co-write a paper together about plague literature, because he believes that that particular topic is very relevant at the moment.  I agree with him, but I'm not sure what to write about.  I've read a bit of plague literature, but don't really know what we want to discuss/analyze.  I came up with Shaun of the Dead and the consumption of technology, but that might be something that I put on the back burner, because Ryan didn't seem to interested in it.  I think we should still focus on zombie analysis when it's all said and done though, possibly 28 Days Later and isolation of community.  Maybe that's something.  Or possibly Camus's The Plague.  But that's been written about a lot in the past, and no new scholarship has been done on it in like 50 years, so I'm not too sure anyone is going to be super interested in it.  I need to bust out these essays and really start thinking about it.  But I'm just not too sure.

Otherwise, I'm not going to lie, days of social isolation haven't hit me too hard.  I've enjoyed staying home and petering about the house.  I put the bounce house up for the kids this morning and weeded the flower beds.  Or let me reiterate, I started weeding the flower beds, because they are a jungle that haven't been done in like 2 years, and I'm slowly working my way through them.  But there's a lot there and I'm not stressing too much about it. 

I've enjoyed starting the blog up again, even though no one reads it.  It's nice to stress the writing skills a bit and reflect upon the day.  I hope to keep it up after we get back to normal.  I hope summer is this relaxing, but I guess we'll wait and ses.

Tuesday - Screaming into the Void

You know, I like to get up early and get a couple things knocked of my mental list before noon hits.  And that's what I did today.  I finished grading my student's midterms, did a couple of loads of laundry and then finished about 3 cups of coffee.  And then, I went back to cleaning the garage, which is something that I've been needing to do for a while now.  It's starting to look pretty good, in all honesty.  Finally can see the top of my work bench, which I haven't been able to see for over a year, and started putting up all of the tools that my dad gave me a while back.

On top of that, I had a meeting at TCC that was pretty uneventful, but found out that I don't have a summer class (which is probably for the best, in all honesty).  Other than all that, been reading Hellboy comics and thinking about starting up Stardew Valley again.

Mondays

Whelp, started the online classes officially today.  I graded the midterms of a class this morning, and started on another; I'll finish them off tomorrow morning with my coffee.  Right now, it's a lot of responding to emails from students confused about how to begin this new week.  Hopefully it all settles down by the end of it, so that we can get this train re-aligned slightly, and finish off this semester.  I'm not worried about finishing it off strong, just finishing it off.  It's been a doldrum day again. 

However, I did put a new shelf up in Atticus's closet and helped Mandy with her online classes.  I don't know man, I got nothing.  I'm just typing to make Atticus work on his own writing skills and his penmanship, because whew, it's bad a lot of the time.

Social Isolation - Day 3; The Doldrums.

As I type, Mandy is reading to Ollie and Atticus sits next to me and writes in his own journal.

The other day, Mandy out of the blue said I was a good teacher.  I'm not sure what brought it on; I had been helping her with her online courses a little bit (I got all of mines done on Tuesday) and had emailed my other dual credit colleagues telling them that I could help them all with black board problems, if necessary (I teach online courses, so I'm pretty good with this software for instruction).  I heard her tell me this, and wondered what really brought it on, because I didn't know.  I even asked her why she said it, and she said, "I know why."  But I'm just not that sure; but it's been rattling around in my head for the last few days.

Other than that, I'm not sure I'm going to survive this social isolation.  The kids, man; the kids.  We took Ollie out of school today, and the kids did nothing but fight.  And when I say we took him out of school, I mean at his usual time - 3 o'clock.  So, I guess we'll wait and see at this point. 

Another new post?! WTF is this?

I'm feeling very biggity today.  It all started when I woke up and the garage was leaking this morning.  And on top of that, I just didn't sleep very well last night, because I tried to patch the roof the day before, woke up, heard it raining, and started worrying about the leak.  I have put another patch on the roof today, but I'm not too confident in that particular work, so I guess we'll see tomorrow morning, because it's suppose to rain again tonight.  When it comes to home repairs, I try to be handy, but a lot of the time, it's winging it until it works.

On other news, I did go on a walk with Atticus this morning, after I dropped Ollie off to school.  I had a pleasant time this morning getting to be outside, walking around the pond at Bedford Boys' Ranch, and watching the ducks.  Atticus kept up with my walking pace the first round (about 10 minutes), but slowed down significantly by the second and third.  I shot this picture to Amanda, and laughed.  Atti wasn't happy with the picture. 

Atticus is way back there, barely a speck.  He was so tired after our thirty minute walk that he didn't want to go play on the playground afterwards (which was secretly my intention the whole time).

On the online school front, I'm still waiting for things to officially start going.  My dual credit students are suppose to take their midterms this week, but none have started yet, even though I shot an email saying it was opened up yesterday. And even though I email them, none respond back to me.  It's not like I'm asking them questions, but it would be nice to see some movement.  But, the due date isn't until Sunday night, so I guess we'll have to wait and see how this all goes.  I've taught a lot of online classes before, but I don't care for it too much, if I'm being honest with myself.  I portray myself as a misanthrope, but I enjoy the classroom setting and interacting with students, and I'm just not getting that rewarding an experience finishing off the semester. And, I really enjoyed my first period class, was expecting to see them for a few months longer, and it's just really unexpected how everything stopped and I'm probably not going to see them again. 

Like I said, it's been a rough day.  I think I'll go make myself a drink and watch 'The Golden Girls' with Amanda.

The Plague - Isolation, Day 2

I'm sitting next to Atticus this evening, while he works on his writing.  So, I thought I'd start the blog back up after all of this time, to help him out, model for him sitting and writing, and also because I've kind of missed doing IT.  So here goes,

Updates first: Jesus, it's been over five years since I've done one of these.  Amanda and I are working on ten years of marriage.  We've got two kids together, Atticus, age 8, and Oliver, age 5.  Atticus is in the second grade and is working hard towards third.  Ollie is in pre-K, and should have been having his kindergarten round up for school.  Instead, Atticus, Amanda and I are socially isolating, because of COVID-19.  Ollie has been still going to Montessori, but we're going to take him out at the end of the month, because we're all home and I don't see us going back to school before this school year is over.

Because of this, all of my classes have gone online.  And after Spring Break is when I start loving all the different readings that we do (The Man Who Would Be King, Heart of Darkness, Dubliners, and Watchmen)!  Oh well, I guess.  FML.

I'm going to be doing these for a while again, so look for new updates soon.

What's the point?

If you're not aware of it, the job of the adjunct lecturer in higher education is a tenuous one at best.  If I'm not worried about how many classes I'm going to have, then I'm worried about if those classes are going to make, or lastly, if a full-timer is going to come along and then take my class, because their's didn't make.  And unlike full-time professors (roughly 30% of the faculty versus the 70% of adjuncts), I do not get paid if I do not have classes to teach.  Being an adjunct lecturer is a stress, and I'm finally finished.

I never would have thought that I would say that, but it's the truth.  Recently, we're having other issues popping up, too; especially the limiting of classes for my colleagues and myself.  Last spring, I was able to teach a full load of 4 classes a semester per college.  Now, because of new regulations, I can only teach 3 a semester.  On top of that, I can only teach 2 classes an entire summer (it used to be 4) and absolutely no wintermesters.   Luckily, I am able to teach at two different colleges, and have been teaching 4 classes each place for the last two years, and I really did feel like I contributed to my household's earning.  Now, I can teach up to 3 classes (though that doesn't mean I get 3, this semester I only received 2 from one college and I'm not sure I'm going to get any from them in the summer) and am continuously told that I can have classes only to see them taken away from me; thusly, I continue to believe that I will have money coming in, only to find that, no, it's not, or that's it's a pittance of what I thought it was going to be. It's discouraging.

This leads me to having to throw my hands up in the air and state that the administration just does not care about the hardships of the adjuncts.  We're working poor; I could not live on an adjunct's wage, and everyone in the college knows these facts, but don't seem to care.

Thank goodness I've been working towards receiving secondary certification, because I am done with all the stress that comes along with being in higher education.  It's a sad state of affairs when someone who was both good and well-liked at their jobs cannot stay there because they cannot earn a living wage.

We stress to students the need get a higher education. However, they get that education from a group of individuals who earn as much (or less) than they do when working at a retail job.  What kind of a system do we support, where this scenario is not only a likelihood, but I can see it in my paycheck now versus what I was making before I went to further my education and help others further their's, as well?

a moment's peace

I set here on my brown couch, looking at the reflection of myself on the laptop's screen, and see my son watching an inconceivably moronic show that could have only been made by tripping hack.  This is my life now, and while for a moment it might sounds dull or insignificant, I find it very rewarding.  I often wonder how I got to this place in my life, then think back and smile for all of the experiences that Mandy and I have created together to get here:

Love God?

It was November before the temperature dipped below 85 degrees. I was standing outside of the terminal, waiting, when I found an old message from you hidden inside my favorite book that I picked up from my shelve on the way out. It was a postcard, one with daisies, that read, "Doing fine," and some other cliched term of endearment that quickly made the pain return. I walked to the trashcan, hesitated, and then threw it away. Our love was in the spring when the smell of flower filled the air, before our innocence was lost, and that time had passed.

I read something similar to this topic by a facebook friend, but thought that his ending didn't really fit; his protagonist kept the written message. So my writing was in response to his.

*No idea why, but when I wrote Love in the title bar, in the drop down menu Love God? appeared. Thought it was as good a title as any and chose it... or possibly it chose me.

I'm Not Dead, Yet!

I'm sorry for the awful inconsistency of my blogs, I've been very busy with life and school. So, with the apology out of the way, here's a list of things that have happened since I last wrote on this thing... a year ago. In chronological order:

1) Amanda and I got two dogs. Bogie and Lulu Burns. After looking at the picture for a second, Lulu is the one laying her head on Bogie. So tiny and cute right? Oh how quickly things change. A year later and this is the demon dogs that they've become.

I find the picture on the left to be a fair and balanced representation of them now.

2) Amanda and I were married on December 18, 2010 at our house in an intimate ceremony with only one friend, our parents, siblings and Amanda's niece and nephew present. After that, family members (both blood and not) showed up at our house for the reception and cocktail party. When all was said and done, it was a perfect night.

3) I successfully defended my thesis March 25, 2011; one of the worst experiences of my life. Now looking back, I feel I wasn't prepared enough by my thesis director, didn't have a good enough grasp on the history of postmodernity, and could have used about two more weeks to try and get it 'right.' To be honest though, I don't think one of my thesis chairs would ever have been happy with it. The biggest injury was the fact that my thesis director thought it went well. Earlier, I had asked what a good defense would be like, and she said that a good defense was nothing more than a really engaging conversation, where people are jumping in and interrupting each other to talk about different topics. However, she failed to mention to me that those conversations would not include me, and that those topics would be about how I should have done things differently. Longest hour I ever experienced, but I learned a lot in that hour and it was helpful for the final revised product.

4) While I now had a defended thesis, that did not mean that I was done. I rewrote my thesis and turned in the revised copy in mid-April (I don't remember the date). Because I didn't meet the April 1st deadline for turning in my completed thesis, I do not get to graduate until August, even though I am 'officially' done with school. I consider myself a graduate at this point, and am just waiting for the paper conferring upon me my Master's of English Literature.

5) This is the best news: Amanda's got a bun in the oven! As of Sunday she's 10 weeks. At the moment we're throwing around Alice for a girls name (or whatever other name strikes Amanda's fancy at any given hormonal moment) and if it's a boy we're going to name it Atticus (if you do not know where that literary name comes from, go read a book). The due date was initially on our wedding anniversary, but as of right now, the doctor says December 23.

While life has been stressful this last year, I wouldn't have changed anything I've done, and am very happy. I'm going to try to be better about updating this thingamajig, but until then, hope that this meets everyone well.

Flames

I often wonder what happened to the old me, the one who was willing to burn bridges with no gumption - I would say something without blinking an eye, not caring that I offended or irrevocably ended a blossoming relationship (I'm using that term in the loosest of terms, by the way). However, now I wonder and contemplate my statements - usually though my girl friend my contest that very statement.

Regardless, I usually try to placate a person's feelings before I puncture their balloon.

I don't know why this particular point has come up, but I was thinking about this today, and I can remember a time when I was talking to Nick, and I was telling him about how I realized I was about to burn a bridge with someone - I can't for the life of me remember who that was at the moment, but I want to say it was a co-worker - thought, what the hell can this chick for/to me, and then burned that bridge without a second thought as to what repercussions could possibly happen to me.

Now that my mind is moving, I think this happened right before I left the previous job, and the co-worker was one who annoyed everyone there. That's right! i am thinking correctly now. This female worker was continually trying - and sometimes succeeding - to get me in trouble, for things i legitimately didn't do. For example, while talking to her about a project we were working on, she, after the conversation was over with, went into her boss' office and told her I was rude. Thank goodness a co-worker saw the entire conversation and backed me up against the claims of this other person.

So, eventually I started to detest this particular person, and decided Fuck It. So, instead of going after her in such a way that I might get into trouble, I decided to be a little more original about it, and went for public ridicule. And how did I do this? I took pictures of her from her Facebook account, photoshop'd them, and then put those said pictures on a poster by her cubicle. And to top this off I then went to the head boss, asked her to come look at something funny, and pointed out what I had done. Sadly, I got the response I was looking for, the head boss laughed, quite a bit actually, which only encouraged me further to do this.

Here's my handiwork:

As you can see, I put a lot of detail into the work.

To be honest with you, I don't know when she found out about this particular piece of work, but it stayed up there for about a day, and then was removed. By whom... I'm not sure, but that information was never got by me.

An Afternoon

I look at you, me talking too much while you stare off into space, us sitting on the porch in the back yard after you've come home from work. There you are, sunglasses on so I can't tell if you're looking at me, or if your head is just tilted to the sounds coming out of my mouth. And I keep talking, talking to the silence that surrounds us, while trying to make you laugh and failing miserably. I can see that you're so tired from the daily boredom of your job, and I can do nothing but talk about my day, you all the while probably wanting me to shut up, so you can relax for five minutes after the storm of the work week, and the daily commute. But I can do nothing but talk, trying to encapsulate to you my experiences; trying to share with you everything that I have done for the day, so that maybe, for a moment, instead of being two people in a relationship we can be one. One person who have shared the same experiences, and are so close together that the silence is no longer deafening.

But all you can do is look into space. And i cannot articulate to you why I try to fill the silence, creating a schism separating me from you when we should be binded comfortably together. Yet for you, you do not seem to mind the silence. Maybe it's at those moments that you feel us truly as one, or maybe those are moments of peace, where you do not have to engage with me and the world, instead letting it take you, like a pliable lover, as it will. Looking at you, while you possibly listen to me, I question what a person like you can find so beautiful and charming in a person like me. And in these moments, I doubt my self.

Maybe one day I will be comfortable with the silence that sometimes surrounds us... but until then, I'm sorry for stealing those moments from you.

Yowls of my Plight

My girlfriend's cat is named Dirty Harriet, and she has been yowling at a stray cat late at night recently. Now, some might say, that sucks, and that person would be right. However it is worse than just suckage, she has been yowling on the windowsill behind our headboard, thus waking us up in the middle of the night. Now one might saw, that is horrible, but one does not have the entire story yet. This cat has been causing much ridicule to be directed my way via the GF, because she seems to think that I scream like a little girl when I deal with the situations the cat creates. So, this is my rebuttal to the GF's statements that I am a wimp.

To begin with, the first time it happened, I had never heard a cat yowl before; I've never owned a cat before living with the GF. So, needless to say, it was quite a shock when I was awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of something that sounded like a combination between a screaming child and a bat from the depths of hell yelling curses into my ear. And then what happened once I was violently awoken? The GF grabbed a hold of my knee, and started to squeeze. Why? She said she was just making sure I was okay. But I know the real reason, to scare the holy hell out of me! And then her response to my screaming? She calls me a wimp, when i thought that someone was trying to get me! What was the appropriate response, I ask you? I'm not sure, but I shot out of the bed like a rocket when she grabbed and squeezed my leg. And thus the ridicules started...

So to not repeat myself, let's just say this type of thing happened a few times, and move on to the next post-able story dealing with a Yowling Cat, an Easily Startled Male and a GF who finds the two interacting to be extremely amusing.

About a week ago, the yowling cat was again in a windowsill in our bedroom. However, this time instead of being behind the headboard, it was in the other window - which happens to be on my side of the bed. So, it's about 5 o'clock in the morning and I hear this damn hellion noise coming from somewhere. First, I tapped the curtain behind my head, because I wasn't able to be cognitively aware as to where the cat was stationed. So, after tapping the curtain, and not getting the desired result, silence, I figured Harriet was on at the other window. I then got up to do the same thing, tap the curtain and tell her to shut the hell up. However, that particular plan did not work as planned.

Here's what happened:

I got out of bed, and went to the window that the cat was on. I did what I planned, I tapped the curtains, hoping to shut the cat up. Didn't expect this though, the cat was quite startled when I tapped the curtains; she hissed at me then proceeded to fall into the close basket pulling the curtains with her and making the curtains land on top of me. At this point, I screamed... the GF says like a little girl. Now granted, I guess I should have acted manly at this point, and been a stoic dude who didn't react at all, however that was not the case with me. So what? I screamed, but do I have to be characterized like that of a pre-pubescent female?

Now granted, maybe not the manliest response in the world. I'll give her that. But I had a curtain fall on me, along with a hissing cat! How should I have reacted? I'm human, I screamed! Possibly quite loudly. And then I had to put the damn curtain back up, which just added insult to injury. But it was not until everything was finished, the cat taken out of the hamper, the curtain rod put back in it's place, and my head laying on the pillow that the girl turns over from her side, looks at me and told me thus: that I'm a wuss.

retractions and reformations

So, i was wrong in thinking that I could actually post another blog after getting back from the job fair (I knew it wasn't going to happen, yet thought what the hell, maybe?). Anyways, let's update the world about the job situation a little more fully, and maybe give you, the reader, a little inside look as to why I think I'm a big deal.

About a month ago, I received an email from the Graduate Chair's receptionist asking me to make an appointment with Dr. Upchurch regarding when I was planning on graduating. Now, I have never met Dr. Upchurch, and am the type of person who always goes to the worst possible scenarios when confronted with a scenario like this, so I initially thought a huge multi-syllabled expletive and then started asking myself what the hell I could have done to warrant a verbal lashing from the chair.

I quickly sent an email saying I could meet with him later that day, and then actually went down to the receptionist's office to see what the hell I did to get into trouble. She said I had done nothing, and that he really did just want to talk to me about when I planned on graduating. Now for the regular joe, this might have ended the worry, but for me, i just thought that she didn't want to be the messenger of bad news, and continued to fret about it for the next 5 hours.

So, it finally gets close to the time when my appointment should be taking place, and I head over to Dr. Upchurch's office. However, there was someone already there, so I decided to wait outside in the hallway on the comfy couch until the guy leaves. While waiting, I actually see Upchurch leave his office, run to the English Dept. Main Office, make a copy and start on his way back when he is stopped by the Director of the English Department. They start to talk about money and funding, and I - this entire time - am looking inconspicuous by pretending to read a book, all the while listening to their conversation and trying to figure out how this might relate to me and why I am being called into the so-called principles office.

So, eventually both go their separate ways, Upchurch goes back into his office, and I followed him in about a minute later. Eventually the guy who was in the previous meeting left (I happen to know this guy, he's a fellow TF and he didn't look happy) and I enter the Seventh layer of Hell that I perceive to be Upchurch's office. Once the introductions were over with, I was asked by Upchurch when I planned to graduate, and I told him that my game plan was Fall '10. He then stated that the university was cutting funding for Master Student Teaching Fellows (TFs), and that next semester, there was to be no MA TFs in the English program.

Now obviously, this should have been devastating news, and for me, my legs started to go out from under me - at least they would have if I wasn't already sitting. I actually wanted to stand up, just so I could fall defeated back into the chair in which I had previously been sitting. However, the next line made me... well, this is mixed company so I won't finish that line. He told me that he had the funds to keep three Masters' students on, and asked me to push back my graduation date until spring '11 and to teach there for another year. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. So, there will be three of us next semester teaching at UNT who are Masters' students, and the rest will be PhD students.

Now, to be perfectly honest with you, I have absolutely no idea how I got tagged for this. Someone somewhere must have been looking, and somehow I got on someone's radar. Upchurch even went on to say that the school thinks I'm doing a great job teaching up here... who know's, maybe I got good reviews from student evaluations last semester (I never got my hands on them) and I'm sure that all those A's last semester didn't hurt me either. However, this is a new feeling for me, I'm not too used to getting great unexpected responses like this. So, I've been very gracious lately for all that I have, and humble for the opportunity that UNT's giving me. However, I have been keeping this news close to the vest, and have only told a few people what it was that Upchurch wanted to talk to me about, because I didn't want to rub it in anyone's face, 'cause that's not very cool if you don't know them... THAT"S WHAT SHE SAID!

the long moans of anxiety

So, here's the deal:

I've got a job for the fall and spring, but not for the summer at UNT. So I've been looking for a summer job, hoping to teach at a junior college around here, because I don't want to work retail, and I enjoy my cush lifestyle that I have now become accustomed to since entering academia. Thusly, I'm now waiting a short time, before going to a job fair for adjunct positions at TCC. And while yesterday I was not nervous, as of getting my shit prepared for it, I cannot say that I feel the same way as I did yesterday.

But that's life, I guess.

Anyways, I'm going to post another blog once I get home - hopefully - but until then, that is all!

little moments...

While talking to my students today, we discussed (it was really me talking to one particular student, while the rest listened about a prompt for a scholarship essay) about defining moments in a person's life, and how it's really the little moments in one's life that characterize a person. And while I was saying this, I found what I was saying to be quite enlightening - that usually how my moments of enlightenment come about, because while talking I am able to associate things more easily than I do while thinking to myself, and I then realize that whatever I was discussing/lecturing upon is an interesting idea that I hadn't really though long upon before.

So, thinking out loud while talking to the class, I was discussing about how it's small moments that define a character. I mean, think about it, how often is our character challenged and we are forced to confront drastic disastrous events? Instead, it's the small decision that really affect who we are as a person, and how we perceive ourselves and others. Instead of looking at the moments of trauma that are supposedly defining our person, we should instead look at how we interact with others, and what we do to define ourselves. In these small moments, where we make decisions upon things that are usually more subconscious than conscious, we are living the moments that define us. Because it is in these moments that we are guided by our rules of life that have been instilled in us by figures of influence and power.

However, despite being aware of these figures of influence pressed upon my life, I am still constrained by their desires and restrictions upon me. In consequence, many might feel that they need to rebel against these very limits that have been forced upon them. Yet, I do not feel that these very things that have been placed upon me have hurt me in any way. In fact, I think many times, by being aware of the desire for not being punished, I have followed the correct paths, and those paths have led me to where I am today. So, regardless of the fact that I have been placed in these shackles by others, these very confinements have set me free - at least to a certain extent - and allowed me to follow a path that none have been able to manipulate or coerce away from me.

The Thesis Concept

For all those who weren't aware, I've started writing my thesis this semester. Sadly, I've quickly become bogged down in post-modernist theory and commentary on Tristram Shandy (hereafter referred to as TS). And while I've been enjoying the whole getting acquainted with the idea of the thesis, I've already come to the conclusion that I am actually quite tired of reading books and am ready to start actually writing. It's just too bad that I've got a long way to go before I'm able to get there; at this moment, I still need to read three books by different leading theorist in the field and also another two books upon TS, as well as needing to reread TS. Now granted, I could be looking at this as a glass half full kind of situation, where I see that there is only this few amount of books left before I get to start putting pen to paper (I've already read about 7, as well as over 20 articles), but I've come to the moment where I just want to get started and can only see these books as more obstacles that I have to maneuver around before I can get going.

Now at this point, you might be asking why not just start, and skip these last few books. Well, here's the dilemma that I face. I feel that I need to situate myself into the conversation that's been taking place with TS, and to do this, I need to read as much scholarship as possible on this topic before I get started, so that I'm not covering other people's tracks, nor am I repeating other's ideas. So, though I feel somewhat prepared and really fed up with TS essays, I have to plow through this shit before I see the bright light at the end of the tunnel, the bright light in this case being my monitor.

As for the theorists, I look forward to the challenge of reading these works, but wish I had already read more of this stuff beforehand. At UNT there appears to be a much greater emphasis on new historical research, and very few of us are using any kind of theoretical based scholarship. So, while I've done a lot of theory in the past, I'm, to a certain extant, one of the few in the English department right now who will be doing his or her thesis with a particular framework in mind. And while I enjoy using this particular method when writing papers, especially while looking at a particular work, I wish that I had been given the opportunity to have taken more of these types of classes while I was still taking classes.

Regardless of this fact, I'm looking forward greatly to putting pen to paper (or in my case, digits to keyboards) and getting started.

Now that I've read this over, I quickly came to the conclusion that this particular post wasn't particularly funny. Regardless of that fact, what do you want for nothin'?! It's free ain't it?

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Wall Post

A while back, I was on FML (or possibly it was TFLN... or some other affiliated website about how fucked up your life is bullshit) and I saw one post where a guy was informed that his girl friend was pregnant via a facebook wall post. After the initial horror I felt at this news bombshell being handed down so whimsically via a wall post, I stepped back to think about not only the negative aspects of this type of information being handled via a social networking site, but also the positive ones as well. Now, before I go any further, I am not going to address the inherent argument about the isolating/embracing of communication between human beings via the web, nor am I (hopefully) going to touch upon any type of discussion about the intelligence of the woman in question relaying this information to some poor sap on Facebook, and the trauma that he might have sustained. Also, I do not plan to broach the subject of him being so devastated by this information that he had to get it off his chest via the world wide web with some twitter like website that limits the amounts of characters that can be used in each post. Instead, this blog will focus on the positive/negative aspects of getting personal info, much like this, via the Internet.

Positive: No longer do we have to make those awkward phone calls to our loved/hated/inconsequential ones that clutter our life. Instead, of calling to say that Aunt Suzy died, why not make it a facebook status, so you can receive false sympathy from "friends" and a shit ton of "likes" underneath your statement.

Also, in the same vein, you could just as easily post your sympathies on a person's wall, leaving "sincere" well-wishes like "if you need to talk, call me" when you know they don't have you phone number, and even if they do happen to have it, you can screen your calls, so you make sure that you don't have to talk to them. I know some might find this is cold hearted, but really, have you ever had to deal with someone crying inconsolably on your phone? If you have, you know this is a positive, not a negative, statement.

Even better, in this day and age, where we've all heard that "we didn't know we were in a relationship, until we saw it on facebook," why not break up with a person by denying/removing their relationship status to you, then writing something extremely nasty upon their wall (like for example, calling into question a person's ability to perform in the boudoir) and finally deleting your friendship (and possibly editing your profile, so you're invisible to them). Isn't this the easier way to break up with someone? No longer do you need to have that final awkward conversation, where things might be said that can no longer be taken back.

Another positive aspect is that the things that used to be private are now open for the world to see. And while the people involved might not like the fact that I now know personal details of their lives, I, on the other hand, am able to gossip about them, and creep around their profile page at my own leisure, without having to call someone to get the scoop. As you can see, for me at least, it's the not having to call aspect that I enjoy most about this growing technological age... because I don't usually like talking to people on the phone; I would much rather get a text or meet a person somewhere. However, now I don't even have to do that, I am able to find out both good and bad news, as well as gossip and judge from the comfort of my living room in nothing but a t-shirt and my boxers while watching A Golden Girls marathon on TV.

Of course there is a negative side to all of this. Yet, while I walked away just a moment ago to organize my thoughts, I just can't seem to come up with any... okay here's one. Sadly, Facebook might tip your hand to your significant other, making for difficult conversations... for example, you've already confirmed a new relationship without first breaking up with your previous partner. So better management of personal details becomes a must have for this new day and age.

Lastly, having to figure out how to take all personal possessions from a partner's home might become difficult as you don't want to raise suspicions before you drop the proverbial shoe... also on that same note, if anyone knows how to conceal a microwave under a pair of jeans, please let me know.

Gone Fishin'

It's been a while since I've done this thing... so let's see how rusty I've become in my blogging hiatus.

Let's start from the beginning and go forward... I was born a poor black man. Ahem, sorry. I've been busy with school, teaching, trying to find a thesis chair and life in general. However, I have been able to check most of those items off my list now, and am still relatively relaxing in my vacational comfort while I await for the new semester.

I got straight A's this semester, so that seems like as good a place to start as any, and one of the many reasons why I have had this long stretch of non-blogging. Also, the teaching went well it appears, but I haven't seen the reviews yet, so I'll wait and comment upon that later. The chair has also been found (I'm going to be working with Deborah Armintor this semester and plan to finish off the thesis in the summer time), and lastly life has been really good, just busy.

So, now that we're all caught up, let's start with a funny topic. I figured, why try to let you all catch up with my life, and also why try to write about everything I've done while away? That would take forever, and by the time I finished writing about the past, new stuff would already have happened that I would then have to write about, which I would also be compelled to write about, creating a Cartesian circle of continually trying to catch up, yet always wanting to stay fresh with my post. So instead, I'm going to just jump ahead into the present, and hopefully allude and talk about the past when things arise that are stimulating and apparent to any story that I might tell. However, regardless of this fact, I plan to stop talking about myself for the rest of this blog and do something that I promised Amanda I would do a while back, that is, talk about the genre that is Chuck Norris.

Now, Amanda was talking to me a while back, and she and I were discussing the ideas of a concept. That is, how it is formed, why it functions, and lastly, what's its purpose. And I said that many different things could be considered concepts, and that these concepts form into genres over time. Inexplicably, I somehow got onto the topic of Chuck Norris and how he no longer is an actor but actually a concept, one that has funny jokes that make absolutely no sense, but nonetheless, I still laugh at. Amanda then went on to say that she has never understood the Chuck Norris joke, and that, that particular craze seemed to pass her by without her getting onto the bandwagon. So, I decided that I would write a blog to help her better understand Chuck Norrise- regardless of the fact that she probably doesn't care about the topic and will probably find me talking about her in this way to be particularly pandering to both her and also the Great one that is Chuck Norris.

Now, we all know the history of Chuck Norris... dynamic movie star... crossed over into TV... made the television show, Walker, Texas Ranger. So, I'm not going to reconstruct old news. Instead, I want to talk about the phenomenon that became Chuck Norris after he reached cult status with the jokes that are so corny a cow might die if told enough of them without also being administered drugs to keep them healthy. With such awful jokes as: "What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe." Chuck Norris has cemented his role as genre, instead of man. How? you ask. I plan to explain this to you.

No longer does a person in this society care about the man - Chuck Norris, flesh and blood American hero - instead all we care about is the ability to use the man as a punchline that creates a homogenizing within a group. With the loss of the man, but the recognition of the name, the man became meaningless, but the name remains in the pop-cultural memory, allowing for a sudden outburst of laughter with the association of the ridiculous and the normative. With this association, the myth of Chuck Norris was created, allowing for a subversion of norm and a creation of the fiction. What I mean by this is that once the jokes started taking place - and kudos to whomever created the first classic joke like: There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live - Chuck Norris the man lost all his value in this society, but his name remained behind and still has an resonance with the public.

With the loss of value, Chuck Norris' name has been inserted with a new value, one that I have created meaning for, along with every other person who has ever made a crack, joke, pun or side remark hoping for a cheap laugh at the hero's expense. And because of these cheap, dirty remarks, the value of the man has decreased, but the name has greatly increased. And because of the association of the cheap with the authoratian - meaning the regal acting skills that Chuck Norris possesses - the laughter have remained while the man has diminished.

But, now the questions which begs to be answered: how long will these laughs continue? Who knows really, but how good is the joke? The fact that one, such as I, can still elicit a modicum of a guffaw means that cheap comedians will still implement them in a situation. All we can hope for is that the myth will die eventually, and in the dying breaths, like a phoenix, society will remember the hard-hitting roles that Chuck Norris has tackled in his day; roles like Silent Rage, SideKicks and Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, and hopefully forget the awful jokes that have now dogged his twilighted acting years. With the loss of value of the man, the name has also lost all "true" meaning within a society, and has instead been inserted with new meaning, and, sadly, this new meaning is a punchline. However, in the end, we must remember one thing, and one thing only, You can't spell God without Chuck Norris... at least in Chuck Norris' dictionary.

Bitches and Hos

So lately is it weird that I have had trouble opening doors without thinking that a squirrel is going to jump at me with a knife? I went to get my vacuum a couple of days ago, and to be honest felt a little anxiety when opening the door to the utility closet. Regardless of this fact, I've got other things to talk about, things filled with drama, intrigue and horror.

I don't know if any of you are aware of it, but I hate my Monday class. The teacher's awful and doesn't have a good pedagogy. There are many things that I could bitch about with this class, and probably will before this blog is over with, but to began with: he has us - the students - lecturing to each other over things that we've read for class, but doesn't contribute to the class discuss himself or really even take a leadership role in the steering of the class to a particular point. Now the lecturing to ourselves is pretty bad, however it is even worse, because most of the students in this class are freaking morons.

Now, to be fair, I'll explain why I find most of them to be idiotic. For many, this is there first year in Grad School, so they don't know their asses' from a whole in the ground. However, most of these students also don't read for class, or contribute anything productive to the discussion. In fact, many times, they can't even put a complete thought together and propagate the class in a forward direction. Yet, instead of keeping their GD mouths shut, they want to say something, and usually that something requires me to dumb myself down to understand their stupid commentary. And depending on my mood - and my mood has gotten more foul as the semester has gone on - I might, or might not say something to refute what they said, and if I can help it, also make them look stupid in the process. Now, this does not happened to often, I usually just let the train wreck happen without me, and watch it from the sidelines. But I have been known on occasion to say something, and that something might not have been to pleasant to the speaker afterwards.

Another point that makes this class really annoying, is that fact that most of the time, since the stupents - that's my name for the idiots in the class - don't read, I'm stuck with two other people having to lead the discussions. And while I like listening to myself speak for a while, I really start to get self-conscious that I'm monopolizing the time of the class, more so than usual, and I really hate that. In fact, I think I've become the go to guy for my professor when he has a question that he can't really articulate, and he needs someone to answer it. So, I get questions all the time from this guy directed strictly at me, asking me about something, really anything, and I have to come up with something profound on the spot. And you think I'm joking, but truthfully, I can think at least once in the last three classes, where's he pointedly said something like: "Well, I mean, what do you think about this concept... blah blah blah. Tony?" or maybe: "Well, guys, anyone really have a comment for this question? Tony?"

So, while it's nice to be a answering student, ask the rest of the stupents a question everyone once in a GD while! Because it's unnerving to be the one always asked for an answer without understanding the damn question.

However, what remains really sad, is that this class has become more and more drama filled as the semester has gone on. Sometimes this is due to the teacher telling us certain things and then reneging: for example, us having to have three heavily based research papers - another reason why I don't like the class, or it could be students themselves: many examples of this to come. So, while I have blogged about this before, I have more drama filled stories about my hatred for my Monday class, and those who wanted to put me into their conspiracy against this professor.

So, this particular incident happened three Mondays ago at this point. We had just turned our papers in, and all our eyes were looking pretty tired. Thankfully, the professor didn't have us writer anything on the current book that was suppose to have been read that day, and there was no group leaders who were to lead the stupents in a class discussion for the day. Instead, the professor had us do an in-class writing assignment - pretty undergraduate in my opinion - and we would then have a class discussion after about an hour of writing.

So, after the hour had passed, we did just that. However, here's the rub: the professor wanted us to talk between each other and create a dialogue between two particular persons, where one person investigated the other's views upon the book. So, to better explain this, I will just show how the first person did it... oh and by the way, guess who was the first person? Me. That's right, the professor's go to guy. Anyways, so I was the interviewer, and I asked a doctorate student who I know had read which writing prompt she had done, and we had a nice 15 minute conversation. I then was to pass the interviewer position to someone else, which I did, I passed it to Fern, the woman who tried to rope me into the conspiracy against the professor and go see the dean of English.

Fern tried to talk to one of the stupents, and it became readily apparent in about 10 seconds that this guy hadn't read, and was trying to pass it off like he had. So, I just sat back like I usually do, and let the awkward silence start to take over the classroom. This conversation ended about 2 minutes later, and before Fern could pass off her interviewer position, the professor stopped the class, and instead of bitching at that particular student for not being prepared for class, asked Fern to look at her posture. He commented on wanting her to sit up straight, because she was really slouching over, and her body language was communicating something to the class that she presumably didn't want to send. So, the professor said that he wanted her to be aware of what her posture was saying by her slouching in her seat, and leaning against the wall.

Now, I've heard some say this was a personal attack against her, however I don't feel that this was the case. In fact, I thought what he said was quite true, and while it wasn't done in the most professional manner, Fern's response blew his initial statements out of the water and then took a piss on them just for good measure. Fern said this, and now granted I can't say it's verbatim because it has been a few weeks, but the moment was so jarring, I remember them in very accurate detail, even now. "Well, I just don't feel like sitting up straight today, okay? My mother's dying, and I have to go getting a breast biopsy because I felt a lump. So, I don't particularly feel very much like sitting up straight!"

I shit you not, it was pretty much that statement. And the classwent dead silent, and the awkwardness that I am so used to in that class quickly enveloped the room. And what did the professor do about her rude outburst? Absolutely nothing. I would have at this point asked her if she were done, and then told her to leave for the day. But - and this is why I can't stand this man as a professor - he did absolutely nothing, because, I'm sure, he was as dumbstruck as the rest of us. However he could not get the classroom train churning again, and instead, let us remain in silence. Finally, about 30 seconds later, I turned back to look at Fern, and I could see she was starting to tear up. And I thought to myself, oh shit, here it comes now. Tony, if she pulls anything out of that bag, you fucking hit the ground.

However, instead of grabbing something out of her bag, she started quickly stuffing as much of her shit into it as possible, stacked the rest of it and quickly left the room. And the moment I saw her packing her stuff, I wanted to laugh. Not because I found it funny, but I'm a notoriously inappropriate laugher person; at the most inopportune times, I can't help myself, and the laughter bubbles to the surface, and makes me sound like a maniacal evil villain. And thankfully, I was able to hold that laughter in, until I heard not only the classroom door shut, but also the stairwell door, and then I couldn't hold it in anymore, and let it rip. And after about 5 seconds, I was able to stop myself, apologized and then the class went on. And at the end, the professor apologized for her, but I felt like I was owed an apology from Fern... I told Lindsey - the only girl, check that, only person, I actually like in that entire classroom - this fact, and also told her that she should say this to Fern on Wednesday, since Lindsey would see her then. Lindsey told me that there was no way in hell she would say that to Fern, and I told her that if she actually did, that she should leave my name out of it, because Fern makes me nervous on the best of days, and after today, even more so.

However, the drama doesn't end there. Later that week, Fern forwarded us an email from the dean of the English department regarding the meeting she had with him concerning our professor. The email included the fact that the professor had been talked to by the chair, and that both recommended that he direct some questions to the class to see what we could still have an effective class.

So that next Monday rolled around, and I felt that we had a good class. The professor seemed to actually lead the class a little bit and took more of a leadership position where he was posing questions and guiding the discussion. And I thought this was just an overall more effective class than any we had before. So after break, he told us - because we weren't suppose to know - that he last week had a meeting with his boss due to the complaints that dealt with this class. And he stated that we were going to be starting over from scratch and moving ahead at this point, and asked for comments about what could be done differently, so that we could have an effective class. So, I named what i complained about above: bad teaching method - didn't say it like that, by the way; that he needed to take more of a leadership role in the class; that I didn't appreciate getting lectured to by other stupents, nor was I particularly learning anything from their awful lectures anyways.

Anyways, what it amounted to was it was a pretty good metacognitive pedagogy discussion, until a student - Christi - who's even a freaking Education, not English, major, told the professor that those who are having a problem should just suck it up, and deal. And that, he should just leave everything the way that it already was, and that she was uncomfortable with this entire conversation... blah blah blah. At this point, everyone of course got really silent... something that we weren't problem with before her comments.

And I really wanted to ask her if she felt that teacher's shouldn't question their teaching method? Because she pretty much stated that somewhere in her five minute diatribe against all the other students who were making productive comments. This question I thought was really relevant, because of the fact that she is an Education major, and should at all times be wondering if her teaching method is working, and if it's not, what she should do differently. And what she should do differently is not tell her students to suck it up, and figure it out. I know that I've done metacognitive pedagogy discussions with my class a few times now, and while I wasn't being forced to by my superiors, I felt, especially the first one, it helped me to be a better teacher, and to see what I could be doing differently to better to help my students.

Anyways, this isn't even the most horror filled part. After she was done, the professor appeared to get really emotional, went behind the desk, picked up his pile of crap, quickly told us that the class was finished - I wish forever - grabbed his crap and RAN out of the of room, because I think, and Lindsey confirmed, we thought he was about to start crying. And then I wanted to start crying, because I have another 5 classes still.

So, what I've decided is I need to start drinking before class. In fact, I am really tempted to go buy a flask and to start drinking inside class. And I will make a show of it; when drama starts, I will explicitly go for the flask, uncork it, and start drinking. And I will probably offer it to whomever wants to take a hit. In fact, Amanda said, and I'm seriously contemplating this as well, that I should just taking the bottle, because I want to create a spectacle with these action, and it would be even more amazing if I were to pull a bottle out of my bag instead of just a flask. And who knows? I'm a pretty happy drunk, kinda loud and mouthy, but pretty happy. I might make class more interesting! And since I know that there will be drama again this week, i might as well partake in it for once, instead of only sitting on the sidelines and being a spectator. And truthfully, if no one else starts the drama, I have a particular stupent who I'd love to pimp slap, so I'd target him first. And, even though he's more of a dick than a bitch, I'd still slap him like I was his pimp.