little moments...

While talking to my students today, we discussed (it was really me talking to one particular student, while the rest listened about a prompt for a scholarship essay) about defining moments in a person's life, and how it's really the little moments in one's life that characterize a person. And while I was saying this, I found what I was saying to be quite enlightening - that usually how my moments of enlightenment come about, because while talking I am able to associate things more easily than I do while thinking to myself, and I then realize that whatever I was discussing/lecturing upon is an interesting idea that I hadn't really though long upon before.

So, thinking out loud while talking to the class, I was discussing about how it's small moments that define a character. I mean, think about it, how often is our character challenged and we are forced to confront drastic disastrous events? Instead, it's the small decision that really affect who we are as a person, and how we perceive ourselves and others. Instead of looking at the moments of trauma that are supposedly defining our person, we should instead look at how we interact with others, and what we do to define ourselves. In these small moments, where we make decisions upon things that are usually more subconscious than conscious, we are living the moments that define us. Because it is in these moments that we are guided by our rules of life that have been instilled in us by figures of influence and power.

However, despite being aware of these figures of influence pressed upon my life, I am still constrained by their desires and restrictions upon me. In consequence, many might feel that they need to rebel against these very limits that have been forced upon them. Yet, I do not feel that these very things that have been placed upon me have hurt me in any way. In fact, I think many times, by being aware of the desire for not being punished, I have followed the correct paths, and those paths have led me to where I am today. So, regardless of the fact that I have been placed in these shackles by others, these very confinements have set me free - at least to a certain extent - and allowed me to follow a path that none have been able to manipulate or coerce away from me.

The Thesis Concept

For all those who weren't aware, I've started writing my thesis this semester. Sadly, I've quickly become bogged down in post-modernist theory and commentary on Tristram Shandy (hereafter referred to as TS). And while I've been enjoying the whole getting acquainted with the idea of the thesis, I've already come to the conclusion that I am actually quite tired of reading books and am ready to start actually writing. It's just too bad that I've got a long way to go before I'm able to get there; at this moment, I still need to read three books by different leading theorist in the field and also another two books upon TS, as well as needing to reread TS. Now granted, I could be looking at this as a glass half full kind of situation, where I see that there is only this few amount of books left before I get to start putting pen to paper (I've already read about 7, as well as over 20 articles), but I've come to the moment where I just want to get started and can only see these books as more obstacles that I have to maneuver around before I can get going.

Now at this point, you might be asking why not just start, and skip these last few books. Well, here's the dilemma that I face. I feel that I need to situate myself into the conversation that's been taking place with TS, and to do this, I need to read as much scholarship as possible on this topic before I get started, so that I'm not covering other people's tracks, nor am I repeating other's ideas. So, though I feel somewhat prepared and really fed up with TS essays, I have to plow through this shit before I see the bright light at the end of the tunnel, the bright light in this case being my monitor.

As for the theorists, I look forward to the challenge of reading these works, but wish I had already read more of this stuff beforehand. At UNT there appears to be a much greater emphasis on new historical research, and very few of us are using any kind of theoretical based scholarship. So, while I've done a lot of theory in the past, I'm, to a certain extant, one of the few in the English department right now who will be doing his or her thesis with a particular framework in mind. And while I enjoy using this particular method when writing papers, especially while looking at a particular work, I wish that I had been given the opportunity to have taken more of these types of classes while I was still taking classes.

Regardless of this fact, I'm looking forward greatly to putting pen to paper (or in my case, digits to keyboards) and getting started.

Now that I've read this over, I quickly came to the conclusion that this particular post wasn't particularly funny. Regardless of that fact, what do you want for nothin'?! It's free ain't it?