Lions, Tigers and H1N1, oh no!

It's been a little while since I've made a post, mainly because I got a confirmed case of Influenza A, meaning I had a 97% chance of having Swine Flu... so I've been pretty darn sick. In fact, the only thing I've really been doing is laying around, watching Supernatural on DVD. Nope, no homework, which is what I should have been doing, instead i watched the boob tube, and tried to remind myself, that the fact that I'm still breathing means I'm not dead yet... because sometimes that's all I had going for me, especially on Sunday, when I felt like a truck full of bricks had hit me. In fact, I was so bad on Sunday, that I had to get my friend Ryan to come over and bring me medicine, because I couldn't get out of the house. I am actually suprised that I was able to get down stairs, and open the door for him, so he could get into the apartment; that's how sick I was.

Anyways, I'm back now, so let's get to this. And when I say, this, I really mean, that I'm hoping that this post will motivate me to go edit a paper, because it's due in about 4 hours, and I'm just not digging it, don't really want to rewrite it at this point, but don't know what else to do, to make it work. That's right! I'm now using my blog as a means of distraction from writing an essay. Oh Facebook, have you too forsaken me, that I have to go write a blog, because you can no longer keep me entertained? And the same goes for you too Free Cell, why are you too easy on the easy mode, but too challenging on the medium mode... and don't even get me started on hard (that's what she said!), because that mode should actually be called Im-freaking-possible.

So, onto work related stuff, my students had their first paper due today. I was nice, and accepted one late from a dude in my 8am class who happened to find me in the hall (because he wasn't in class, d'uh). And I told him to never show up like that again, but I took it this time. Sadly, I thought that cat was gonna be one of my interesting students, because he did creative writing outside of class, but it doesn't appear like that is going to be the case. And on top of that, his paper was like a page and a half, when it was suppose to be three pages... so, he's not going to get a great grade - it might be passing, but we'll have to wait and see.

And since I've been sick, I changed the due date to today (Monday), but I have one dude who didn't get that, for whatever reason, and even though I said in class that I had pushed back the due date (from Friday), and he was ready on Friday to turn it in, he hadn't made his edits from his peer review, and was not ready to turn the essay in. But I actually talked to him after class, and told him to get it into my email boss by noon on Tuesday, and I'd still accept it from him. I guess I did this for him because he seems like a nice guy, and he's been to class, I think, every day. So I gave him a pass until tomorrow... hopefully he doesn't make me regret that I gave him a slide, and he actually gets it to me. I'll guess we'll see... and when I say we, I mean me, because I doubt I mention it on the blog again... so we can assume he probably got it turned in if I don't say anything about it again, because I'll bitch about it, if he takes my present and then screws me over.

Anything else new? Well, I'm glad you ask, but nothing is really coming to mind. I must be boring. I've just started to eat solid foods again, after being sick for over a week. And, if anyone needs to lose about 15 pounds in a hurry, I have to recommend getting the flu, because I bet I've lost at least that much. Just between Sunday and Monday (I don't think I've mentioned yet, that I went to the doctor on monday, sorry), I lost about five pounds, and what I thought I was going to weight and what I did weight when I got on the scale was a pleasant surprise for me. In fact, I'm pretty sure that this is the new weigh loss program for me: get the flu every year, and lose that fifteen you put on with all that birthday cake and beer that you ate throughout the year. Yeah! Why not? I'm going to write that book... "eating your way to a more successful you! Just Get the Flu!"

AND I'M BRINGING HELL WITH ME!!!!

Many of you have no idea how horrible it is to stand in front of a class, and know that even though you assigned an essay that should have been read, that your students' blanks eyes spell your destruction and also theirs. I told them on Wednesday they needed to read... is it so hard? I read the damn essay a second time (I read it the first time about two weeks ago now) while eating my f'ing apple jacks and drinking my coffee... and i finished the essay before I finished the cereal! So it's not that damn hard! Yet, it seems to me that their lackadaisical attitude is about to change... "why?" you ask inquisitively, person who sits in front of you computer and reads my blog. Because I'm giving them a quiz, that's why!

As you might be able to tell, I'm a little riled up about this.

And on top of that, I kid you not, I think I received five homework assignments from twenty five students from my 9am class. Granted, I forgot to remind them about it, but it was on the syllabus, and once I hand that thing out, it's fair game. So, I'm going to have to tell them that it's time to take some personal responsibilities, and I'm not going to be holding their hands. I've said this time and time again to them, they're in college now, it's time to grow up.

And even more on top of that, I then got 4 different students from my 9 am class trying to email me their shit hours after class is over with. Two actually looked good, and two looked really rushed... however all four failed. Especially this one from a girl - a freshman - who sent it to about 45 minutes after class was over with. You could tell it was rushed, and only half thought-out. and then the idiot actually took an uppity tone with me in the email, granted I'm not sure if she meant to, but I sure as hell read it that way and after rereading it, still believe so. The last one that was sent to me I didn't receive until after I was driving home from Arlington around 11:30 at night. So, he, while not having the best written assignment, at least put a little bit of time into it... and he tried to make me feel bad about his relationship with his father... it didn't, because I read the first line, and said "eh, why even bother, I'm totally not going to accept it." And I then thought, who the hell does this kid think he is, that he can send me a homework assignment 30 minutes before the f-ing day is over with, and still think I'm going to accept it because he tells me about his relationship with his estranged dad!

So, I let them (the students' emails) wait until Saturday morning before responding to them because I didn't want to be too riled up while letting these presumptuous students know that they failed. I was nice enough, I stated that I never receive late work, as stated on my syllabus. Also I didn't remember talking to any of them about sending their homework to me late, but if we did, then remind me, and I'd accept it; all the while knowing good and well, that they hadn't talked to me about shit, that they'd just expected to pass, because they made the minimum effort to get it to me.

And yes, each one said the same thing, I'll paraphrase: "No, we didn't talk about it. I heard you say something like that to someone else, and just assumed that I could do the same thing." Idiots. To began with, I don't remember saying that to anyone, but even if I had 1) they needed to talk to me, and 2) I never received said homework from anyone that I supposedly talked to after class.

And on top of that, I told them on the first day of class that everything needed to be turned in typed, and I think two did just that. However, after seeing that not many had done that I let them slide this time, and said they'd need to make sure to type it next time... which i felt was actually generous of me, because I could have just hands down not accepted it.

I also learned something new on Wednesday (all this above happened on Friday, Einstein can kiss my ass and physics can go to hell, I can time traveling, I just did). Never, ever, when talking to a student, after asking them how they're doing, if they respond with a negative, ask why they're blue. I had a dude in one class, who I happened to see after washing my hands in the restroom - Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I both use the potty and also wash my hands - who disclosed information that I will never not be able to associate with him. (Never do this people, never let someone in with an opening! If you've learned anything today, learn this! Never follow up on a personal question to students with another personal question. okay, back to the story).

So I said, how's it going guy (I still don't know his actual name), and he said that he wasn't doing very well today. And I should have stopped right there, but I thought that with the social contract being what it is, he'd understand that this next question was not actually meant to be answered nor did I really care what his problems were. In fact, I just wanted from him an "eh, it'll all be fine," and then would have talked to him (and I do mean TO there, because it seems that I usually talk at students and not with them) as we walked into class together. Instead, I got this answer: "Well, I'm not doing too good today, because my ex-girl friends is having a really painful abortion right about now, and I have to go see her after this." Silence... from my end.

Now three real question came to my mind at this point: 1) Is it your kid that she's at the moment killing? And if so, do you know God is crying? 2) if it's not your kid, why are you stuck going over there? And where's her baby daddy? 3) What makes you think I want to hear this? Don't you know that I don't care what you response to my previous question is? I just thought of you as a distraction that I was socially obligated to engage with, because I know your face, but not your name, and the moment I walk away, you're not even a blip on my radar? Oh, and I guess I had a fourth question: 4) What's a painful abortion compared to an un-painful one?

Thankfully, I didn't say anything of consequence, just something like, "Well, hope it all works out." and then walked away.

So, as I've said before, I'm not a smart man, when it comes to nicknames; they're usually painfully obvious, and hopefully they hurt you emotionally. So what's this guy's nickname; the name that I always think when I see him now; the name that he's referred to in my mind and hopefully that's the only place in which the nickname comes out: the Painful Abortive Social Stigma or as you can see, since I've capitalized the first letter of each word: that dumbass who told me about his ex-girlfriend's abortion. Like I said, I'm painfully obvious about my nicknames.

Here's another question I'd have liked to ask him by the way: 5) Do you think you're girlfriend wants me to know that she's having an abortion? I bet she didn't post that on her facebook page: "On FaceBook page: What are you doing now: dumbass who told me about his ex-girlfriend's abortion ex-girlfriend: Well, I'm going through a painful abortion... Wish me LuCK!!!"

And then you know this would happen: "Comment from dumbass who told me about his ex-girlfriend's abortion ex-girlfriend's friend: 'Hope it takes! <3 4Ever!'"

defaults and updates

So, after being told by certain people that I needed to jazz up the blog, I have done so... and I gotta tell you, I can't stand the font color on the older post, but I'll eventually figure it out and change it. Until then, I guess squint your eyes and bear it. Sorry that's the teacher who's gotten authority coming out. I've got to figure out how to keep that in check, because it'll really come to bite me in the butt one of these days, if I don't. As someone so eloquently put it, "I'd better check myself, before I wreck myself."

So, the lectures sucked on Monday and Wednesday... no other way to say it besides for it being a major suckfest... and though that might sound really fun, it wasn't. Not for me or the students. After their eyes would glaze over from me talking about punctuation, I'd start doing goofy jokes to try to bring them back to attention... but oh the humanity, they were already gone; lost; never to be seen again, at least not until the next class. And I'll give them props for continuously showing back up, because I was getting bored going over the power points that I was showing them, so I can only imagine what they were feeling. However, I felt like Friday's class went really well... and I'm actually going to plagiarize myself, because I've already written about this in my weekly journal that I'm having to do for a class:

"Well, to be honest, the power points on punctuation didn’t work earlier this week. I know that it can be uninteresting, but I had to stress to my students that it’s going to affect their grade, so they needed to pay attention. And I’m glad that I handed out handouts relating to the punctuations, sentence structures and mechanics on Wednesday. Hopefully after read about it in the textbook (finger’s crossed about that), then paying attention in the lectures (my other hand’s fingers crossed) that they will be hit with a trifecta with the handouts, and even if they won’t be masters on it, they’ll have enough references available for when they need it.

What I felt really worked was the lecture that I did on Friday. I’ve finished with the punctuation portion of the class until the first paper come back my way, and we had a class discussion about how a paper functions; why the five paragraph paper does/doesn’t work; how to start an opening paragraph; how to write a conclusion; what to put in the middle; what constitutes good writing; why I make them write for the first 10 minutes of class; why I make them read different genres and topics in this rhet/comp class. During this class, I sat on the top of the table and we just had a frank discussion about the dos and don’ts of writing. Now granted, this was all in theory and I didn’t show them real applications, but I thought it worked really effectively and the students seemed really engaged. On top of that, the students in both my 8 am and 9 am class actually responded to each other’s comments and I was able to sit back and only direct the conversation when needed. And only once did I have to tell the students in my 9 am class to not cut any other speaker off, because they all started talking at once. Also, I think everyone in my 8am class contributed at least one statement, which was really cool to see, especially since it’s so early and when I first walked in they looked really tired. And another cool thing: my 9am class actually went a couple of minutes over, and I didn’t see anyone packing up early, because they appeared (at least to me) to be really engaged in the class discussion that was taking place inside the room.

I just felt like the Friday lecture was a very effective class, and it showed my students exactly where we were going to be going from this point on, but at the same time let them look back at the previous lectures to understand why we had them."

So, now that the weekly post-script is over with, and we know that I can talk to students and keep them interested, but I can't lecture to them without my own eyes glazing over, let's get to the naughty bits, as my peeps in the UK so eloquently put it... ... ... ...actually I got nothin'.

So... what you know? I was looking at this blog earlier today, and apparently Julie likes the endings best... that's because I'm usually using these blogs as pre-writing sections before I actually go write other things (propaganda, dirty limericks, you know, items of importance), but anyways thanks for the props and the feedback, I really do appreciate it. And it's nice to know that someone out there is actually reading my rants... suckers.

However, I'm going to follow my father's advice and leaving you wanting more (he never gave me that advice... many other colloqualisms, but definitely never that one... I think the Fonz actually gave me that one... AYYYY... regardless, I find that people - and by people, I mean me - more often than not skip what's inside the paranthesis's, so I'll cite him, and let it ride). So no funny, quippy ending, that's both dirty and hilarious this time. Why? Cause I've got nothing, That's why!

However, I will give you something to chew on, at least for about thirty seconds, hopefully. My 18th Century Romantics professor said something... I don't really remember what. I think he was talking about Satan - you know, forked tail guy from the Bible... that book that if you drop can kill cockroaches. Anyways, he said something - it doesn't matter what - and my brain synapses started to spark, and I wrote this down... I've got to do something with it eventually: "The tragic character flaw with Lucifer isn't that he rebelled, it's that he didn't rebel a second time. Instead of reigning in a punishing Hell, he could instead have created another Heaven. That really would have been the proverbial, "Fuck You," to God."